Friday, 20 February 2009

Sad All Over

I'm not very good at feeling sad.

I'm very good at not feeling sad.

Either way, it's not helpful right now.

My parents, bless them, have always tried to distract me from sadness. They would offer hugs, snacks, drinks, games, trips out. They would exhort me to count my blessings and look on the bright side. All was, and is, done with the best intentions. They are both incurable optimists, and have done their best to pass that on to me, with a great deal of success. I'm happy about that; I like being a positive, cheerful person.

Sometimes, though, I think I need to be sad. I wish I didn't. Victor Hugo wrote of 'the pleasure of being sad' but it doesn't feel like a pleasure to me. Maybe it's my conditioning. I can see the point: access to full range of human emotions = good thing; can't fully experience happiness/joy without experience of sadness/grief - fine. I'll take my sadness medicine, but don't expect me to like the taste.

Some people love it, don't they? A weepy film, a tragic book, a box of tissues and they're happy. Or, rather, sad. But happy to be sad. That doesn't work for me. I don't mind sad bits in books or films, as long as the end is happy, or at least not entirely sad - but I really resent being left with a big wallop of sadness inside me.

Regular readers of this blog will be unsurprised to hear that I use alcohol to distract myself from sadness. Not at the moment, though. So I'm feeling all my sadness very thoroughly. Maybe this is one of the Horrible Truths that Jumbly Girl warned me I'd probably have to face. I'm facing it good and proper, so can I have a glass of wine now please?

No? Oh.


HelenMHunt said...

Hugs Honey. Sounds like you're still a happy person - just with sad things happening to you xxx When I feel like this I just tell myself,'this is not my life, it's just something that's happening at the moment.

Clare Sudders said...

Aw Queenie, many many {{{HUGS}}}. There seems to be a rash of this at the moment. Everywhere I go on the internet, people are dishing out hugs to one another. Is it something to do with the time of year, maybe?

I'm intrigued by these Horrible Truths though. What are they? What's the context?

I can see it must be hard for a typically-sunny person such as yourself to do The Sadness Thing, but one of the important truths about sadness is that it always passes. Even writing about it may help it to lift. And there are of course those blessings you mentioned, which are indeed worth counting. But maybe you also need to give yourself permission to be sad. Doesn't mean you have to wallow in it or enjoy it, just that little "Go on then - you're allowed to do this every now and then, and the world won't fall apart" may help.

And, um... oh. Not even one tiny little chocolate?

OK then, how about a romantic feel-good movie or book? Or a comedy night, funny film, re-reading an old favourite like e.g. some Herriot books (always make me laugh)?

But in the meantime, more {{{HUGS}}} and a few tickles for good measure.

Kirsty said...

Clare of course has put it beautifully.

I wonder if its worth going for the little and more frequent approach to dealing with the sad? (speaking as someone who can really relate to what you are saying) So feel it, then do something nice for yourself - good book, if you are avoiding cake then an indulgent mango or something?

Thinking of you xx

Queenie said...

Thanks, Helen; you're spot on.
Clare, it was in an earlier comment thread. Jumbly Girl has also done a month off the booze and said she had to face up to some Horrible Truths in the process. She didn't say what they were. I think you're dead right about the giving permission thing. And thanks for the hugs.
Kirsty, that's a good suggestion, thank you. I'm looking forward to my glass of wine next weekend!

Carol and Chris said...

I've decided to de-lurk....I just wanted to say that I'm sorry your feeling sad and I hope that it passes soon.

C x

Queenie said...

Goodness, I feel like a proper blogger now, I didn't know I had a lurker (which I suppose is the point). But I'm confused now, which C should I thank?

Leigh said...

Big hugs, Q. I know it doesn't really help, but remember that the time of year doesn't help. Notice that the mornings are getting lighter, and we had a definite hint of spring last week - hope it reaches you soon. I'm hanging on by my fingernails.

Carol and Chris said... need to thank!!

It's Carol that comments and blogs *waves Hi* but I blog about both Chris and I so couldn't really leave him out!!

C x

Queenie said...

Leigh, thank you, and you're right. Hang in there, honey.
Carol, I'm waving back, and thanks for the explanation!

Queenie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JJ said...

Big Hugs to you Queenie.

Queenie said...

Thanks, JJ x

PI said...

There's sadness and then there is delicious melancholy which I'm not averse to as one can control it and snap out of it when everyone gets bored to the back teeth.
I hope your sadness lifts soon.