Two days, no alcohol, no problem. I haven't felt like drinking, partly because I had a fairly boozy Fri/Sat with an old friend and a couple of days off after a weekend like that is normal for me, and partly because I've had a slight head cold, nothing requiring commiserations, but enough to leave me not wanting the dehydrating effect of alcohol in my sinuses. But today, a busy busy work day, I've found myself, a couple of times, thinking 'hmmm, glass of wine tonight?' and having to remind myself that it's not going to happen.
Despite my days off, the evening glass of wine has become habitual, and that's what I want to change. It is something I really enjoy, a treat to look forward to at the end of a hectic day, a punctuation marker between work and relaxation. But it's also not good for me. And I'm not comfortable with habits unless they're beneficial. I gave up smoking; I stopped biting my nails. I like habits that make me feel better - not that I'm some kind of Puritan, I'm anyone's for a luscious piece of cake or a chunk of good-quality chocolate, but most of my diet is healthy, and I also have an exercise habit, and I feel better as a result.
The trouble with alcohol is, it is enjoyable and makes me feel better in the (very) short-term, but it makes me feel worse in the (slightly) longer-term. As in, a glass or two of wine with my dinner tonight would be lovely, but the quality of my life for the next 24 hours would be worse if I indulged than if I didn't. I would sleep more lightly, quite possibly lying awake for two or three hours during the night; feel more tired and hungry in the morning; and the sluggishness would, to a greater or smaller extent, stay with me through the day. I could banish it by drinking the next evening's glass of wine, but only temporarily.
The trouble with not drinking alcohol is, I sometimes suffer from insomnia on non-drinking nights, and sometimes feel dozy and hungover on completely sober days. Which I have to say I think is horribly unfair.
I'm hoping that taking this month off will help me to change my relationship with alcohol. I'm not sure what I want to change it to, so I hope I can find that out as well.
I've booked an acupuncture appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I love acupuncture. I don't think it works for everything, and I don't think it's right for everyone all the time, but for some things, for some people, at some times, it's tremendous. I sometimes go for quite long periods between treatments - I think it's about a year since I last had one - but it feels like the right time to start again. One thing I know it's good for is supporting the kind of change I'm trying to make, and I expect it'll see this wee cold off too. Don't ask me how it works, I haven't a clue. But those ancient Chinese people definitely knew some stuff we don't know.