People keep dying, for a start. An old friend in early January - 'old' in both senses of the word, and not a close friend these days, but I was sad for a little while. Then a a slightly famous person who was a friend of my former husband's family, I never met her (she lived in America) but she was a big feature in their lives, and I heard on the radio that she had died, which felt oddly like another connection broken. Then a friend, younger than me, who died of cancer, that was proper sad. And now my elderly uncle is in hospital, very ill indeed, and unlikely to come home.
Then there are the two friends being investigated for suspected cancer; the young friend whose boyfriend dumped her a few days after she'd been on the phone to me exulting about how happy she was with him and how she really thought she'd got it right this time; the old friend who announced that she wanted out of her marriage after almost 30 years because of her husband's alcohol abuse (I had no idea); the other friend whose ten-year-old daughter got run over, leg badly broken, needed an operation and a week in hospital...
I'm pretty much okay, although I feel rather as if I'm on a hilltop with flood waters lapping all around. The deaths are sad, and weird, but I wasn't hugely close to any of the people who died; also, all the deaths were expected; and none of them change the daily pattern of my life. The deaths of immediate family members, partners/spouses, close friends; they're the really hard ones to cope with. But it is a bit unsettling when a few come along at once. Also, the stressed-out living are needing a lot of support. I'm beginning to feel anxious when the phone rings, which is not a good sign.
So last night I had six sips of lovely red wine, and one sip of gorgeous single malt whisky. The Paramour had made me one of my favourite meals: gnocchi with dolcelatte, and steamed buttered spinach on the side. Red wine is almost mandatory with that. I don't feel as if I've fallen off the wagon, I feel as if I've stuck an arm out to test the temperature. I found that I wanted the taste, not the alcoholic effect. That feels like real progress!
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7 comments:
Oh Queenie, I'm so sorry to hear the catalogue of friends' woes. It is hard to be battered with bad news about people close to you. I am sending big cyber hugs and love.
Sounds like you have really been through it and I'm so sorry to hear it. I imagine gnocchi and dolcelatte to be the perfect support in such a situation xx
Awww, thanks, you two.
It is hard when you get great dollops of sadness all at once but you know it will pass and all will be well again.
I'm beginning to sound like one of those nuns who pen homilies but they did get it right.
Hugs Honey. I started 2008 thinking it was going to be a great year - but my hopes were dashed by about April. So far (whispers and touches wood) 2009 has been better. It could not have been worse. I hope the year picks up for you.
It's horrible when the Universe seemingly conspires to make all the crud happen at once. I don't think there are many people as well equipped as you to manage and cope.
Perhaps it's good to get all the bad parts of the year out of the way at once? No, maybe not then.
Things'll get better. They always do.
X
I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time. And it does sound hard. 2008 was bad for me, but life has improved, and so will yours. You know it. Hope you can make the most of it when it does.
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