I was worried about swine flu, so I rang NHS Direct, but all I got was crackling. It's a calhamity, I tell you. If it goes to WHO stage 6 it'll be Parmageddon. It'll take more than oinkment to sort this one out. We need a vaccine, quick quick, chop chop!
On another matter, I've decided I'll never have a hangover again. Oh, no. From now on, it'll be wine flu.
Hope I didn't boar you.